Blogging with the moon.
I have been getting back into photography and I would like to share some of my recent photos with you all! Please feel very free to comment or ask questions. Some of these, I have submitted to deviantART, which is a very cool art community site…please visit. Enjoy!
I received a lovely award from my dear friend June, a writer from the UK, basically recognizing me as her friend. What a wonderful surprise! Then a though occurred to me…why isn’t this something we do in our daily lives? Our relationships with other people are the most important thing we possess, and we need to remember the great debt we owe to our friends! So, I’d like to pass this award on to some of the people who have become my friends and brighten my life every day.
Kell…you are like the big sister I never had! Thank you for your friendship.
Chimera…you are sweeter than honey and your constant support moves me every day! Thank you for your friendship.
Michelle…BCF is my second home, and you’re the one who makes it such an amazing place! Thank you for your friendship.
Roxi…you’re honestly just one cool girl. I’ve always felt that you and I are very alike! Thank you for your friendship.
Seshat…you have become a person I look up to a lot! Your support has been amazing and has helped me through some of my darkest times. Thank you for your friendship.
Nici…I hope you know how much you brighten everyone’s day, every day, with your amazing enthusiasm for life! Thank you for your friendship.
And of course, June…you are one of the most sensitive and caring people I’ve ever encountered! Thank you for your friendship.
I hope that all of you, my friends, will pass this on to some of the people who have made a difference in your life, like you have in mine. Thank you all!
Dear Neda,
I don’t have any idea what words to use. That your death shocked me is an understatement. But I hope you know that the entire world is thinking about you, praying for you, and believing in your cause.
It’s such a simple thing, isn’t it? This sense that a human being has the right to their own voice. To raise their voice in praise or protest, joy or anger.
Your right was cruelly taken away from you. Your life was stolen. Your voice was silenced.
But the world will remember your voice and the memory of your courage and innocence will never fade.
Rest in peace, dear Neda.
Yours Sincerely,
A Loving Friend in America
Please visit this link to read travel guru Rick Steves’s journal of his trip to Iran. It’s incredibly insightful, timely, and enlightening. As Americans, we really need to try to understand this rich and complex culture.
One of the best things about living in western Washington is its rich cultural heritage. There is, surprisingly, a lot of diversity here, including a large Asian population that dates back over a hundred years. One of the largest populations is our Japanese population. Therefore, it’s no surprise that the University of Washington, located in Seattle, has established an incredibly Japanese garden (pictured above) as part of the Washington Park Arboretum. A tea house was established there by the Urasenke Seattle Branch, with the assistance from the Urasenke Konnichian of Kyoto, and there the ancient art of Chado, The Way of Tea, is practiced.
Chado is based on four basic principles: wa (harmony), kei (respect), sei (purity), and jaku (tranquility). Obviously, these are all things that I have long been seeking in my life. Luckily, a friend of mine, K, is also interested in Japanese culture. She had attended a tea ceremony before, but had never visited the Japanese Garden, so we planned to meet up in the city for a little tea adventure. Seattle is about an hour away for me, so it was quite a drive to get there and back, but it was totally worth it.
The Japanese Garden is incredibly beautiful and serene. There are rules posted at the entrance that forbid loud talking and unattended children, and it’s easy to see why these rules are required. There were people everywhere, but almost all of them were sitting, some with their eyes closed, and soaking in the tranquility around them. K and I sat on a bench for a few minutes in order to calm our minds and bodies, which were all in a flutter from having to walk a ways from my car to the Garden along a very busy street.
When we finally made our way to the teahouse at our appointed time, we were greeting by a lovely Japanese woman wearing a gorgeous pink kimono. We, and the seven other attendees, were ushered into a covered area to wait while the previous group finished inside. Finally, the director of the teahouse came and welcomed us and directed us to the porch of the teahouse, which was located around the side. The only way to get there was to walk along a path of stepping stones surrounded by moss that the employees had cultivated themselves from moss brought down from the mountains. Not surprisingly, they take great pride in their moss and we were told not to step on it.
The director gave us some history about the teahouse and its connection with Kyoto and the University of Washington. K and I had brought socks with us to wear inside. since bare feet have a nasty effect on tatami mats. What surprised me, though, was that another of the attendees, a woman who had said that she had been to a tea ceremony in Japan, went in with her bare feet. It was an odd sign of disrespect, but the Japanese ladies who were serving us didn’t comment…it was obvious that they were used to this oversight.
Once inside, we were arranged into a small circle, and the ceremony began. I won’t go into every detail, but I have to say something about the three women who were conducting the ceremony. Each was wearing a unique kimono, and each moved in a very controlled, yet peaceful way. A tea ceremony involved very precise movements and tasks, and watching them was even more calming than being outside in the Garden. We each received our own small piece of cake, served on small pieces of hemp paper, and our own bowl of very authentic Japanese green tea. Both tasted lovely, and the woman who served us bowed to each of us in turn as she brought our bowls and took them away. There was a strong feeling of respect during the ceremony; respect for the tea, the water, the utensils, the flower in its bamboo basket and the Zen scroll hung above it, for the women performing the ceremony, and for each other and ourselves.
After the ceremony, I felt cleansed, both in body and in mind. K and I strolled through the rest of the garden talking about our experience and how we felt, until we finally headed back to my car. As I drove her back to her own car, we discussed a future adventure, to the Tsubaki Grand Shrine of America, perhaps the largest Shinto shrine in North America, which happens to be located about 30 miles north of Seattle. Again, all thanks to the large and active Japanese population in Washington. I never know how much we owed to them.
I have a really good reason for not blogging lately…I’m finally feeling happy! Well, happier, at least. I’ve been taking 200 mg of sertraline for about a month now, up from 100 mg, and I’m definitely feeling a real difference. My doctor wasn’t able to find a psychiatrist who would take my insurance (I have “poor people” insurance), so she’s going to continue to administer my medication. The only thing she’s worried about now are some possible neurological side effects of the sertraline (leg jerks and tremors), but she doesn’t want to switch me unless is necessary. I finally feel like I’m more in control of things now.
I’m still looking for a job, and had a very promising interview this week, but I didn’t end up getting the job. It’s doubly disappointing because it was a job that I really wanted, in the Office of Diversity at a local university. As most of you know, I have always been passionate about diversity, human rights, and politics in general, and I felt like this job, which was part-time and one that I could keep through the rest of college, would be a great entry into this area and could get me further toward my goal of working for a non-profit. The interview was great and I really connected with the Chief Diversity Officer, and she left me feeling very confident that the job was mine. But, alas, it wasn’t. Oh well…at least moving on is easier now.
So, job hunting remains my full-time occupation. And my boyfriend has been a big help. We did have a huge fight last weekend (which included screaming, crying, threats, and torn clothing), which was pretty much about money, but since then it feels like the air has been cleared, as well as our minds. After feeling so burned out the last two semesters, BF is finally ready to get back to school in the fall. He had been thinking about taking fall semester off, in addition to this summer, but he’s actually feeling enthusiastic about learning again. I’m feeling the same way, so we’re both in the same place, together. It’s such a comfort to have a real partner in life.
It’s a funny thing…I am completely in limbo right now, but I’m fine with it. Instead of feeling anxious and frightened about the future, I’m feeling content and excited. Content, because my state of mind has reached a very calm place, and excited because there’s a yet unknown path in front of me. I’ve gained the strength to limit my concerns to just my own, without adopting those of others (like my parents’ smothering worries). My life is my life…no one is in charge of it except for me. I am not obligated to make decisions based on what other people think I should do. This kind of strength is hard for me because my extremely loving, supportive, and encouraging parents tend to make me feel small, uncertain, and deathly afraid of disappointing them. Of course, everything they say and do is out of love and good intentions, but this love of theirs has smothered me my whole life.
The fact that I am my own person with my own life to lead may sound obvious to most people, but for me it’s a relatively recent epiphany. I have a much stronger sense of self now and it’s an incredibly empowering and comforting feeling. I have to say, though, it’s a little late in coming…
For those of you who thought that I had given up on beading…you’re wrong! Yes, my projects and fewer and farther between, but I’m definitely still at it! Here are some pics of my latest projects.
The top necklace is made of multicolored wood beads, and the necklace on the bottom is made of two kinds of red seed beads and silver beads…I wear this one wrapped around my wrist as a bracelet.
I have plans for a trip to the bead store here in our new town…haven’t been there yet! Look for more projects soon!
In keeping with the new tranquil and serene direction of my life, and also because my boyfriend has been prodding me for the past few months, we have undertaken a huge project: de-cluttering our house. We have collected so much crap during our years together and most of it is stuff neither of us have even looked at in years. There are boxes that were packed up with odds and ends more than five years ago, never to have been unpacked again. These boxes, which turned out to be full of dusty old receipts, old candles, high school art projects, and other randoms pieces from my past, have moved from house to house, like a weight I was fated to carry around.
Going through these boxes was a strange experience. I came across an antique suitcase in the back of our bedroom closet, which turned out to be full of my old high school poetry and photography binders. I found poems I had written in anger and in sadness, and pictures of trees, water, and my old dog. While looking at these, I felt again the pain of my sixteen-year-old self…not a pleasant experience. I found random objects that had once meant so much to me: the dried-up bud of a rose given to me by my boyfriend over ten years ago, several knitted bags that I used to think were very hip (I was wrong), and even the beginnings of several short stories long abandoned. Almost everything was either thrown out or put aside for donation to the local Goodwill. At the end of it all, I felt purged and cleansed, as if I had finally let go of old worries, anxieties, and resentments. I could feel the weight if this old junk lift from my mind…it was a very physical sensation, part pain, but mostly relief.
I even found some things I thought I had lost forever. My ankh pendant, which I wore all through high school, was at the bottom of a box, along with the cross I had bought while visiting the Canterbury Cathedral during our family trip to Europe. I also found an opal necklace that my great-aunt had given to me several years ago, which had been her sister’s, who had been my father’s favorite aunt (the aunt who gave it to me was an extremely unpleasant and sometimes racist woman…nobody’s favorite).
I really feel like I was able to redefine my priorities through this process and find myself again, if even in a small way. The fact that I threw 90% of this crap away proves to me that these material things never really meant anything to me. Our laundry room is now completely full of boxes and bags full of clothes, books, and knick-knacks that we’re going to donate…and we still have more rooms to go through. I know that this simplification process is going to be very good for me, and at the end of it, the only possessions I will own will be those that actually mean something to me…not useless junk that only reminds me of a painful past.
